Someday....

As I pack diaper bags and get things ready for Ava's growth & nutrition appointment tomorrow, I can't help but ponder the idea that someday perhaps Ava will be healthy enough where...

I will no longer be a professional diaper bag packer for hospital trips because we will only have to go to a hospital for emergencies instead of every couple weeks.

As I pack snacks for Ava I won't be running their calorie content through my mind trying to figure out what would be the highest calorie choices given that I know tomorrow will be a terrible eating day for Ava.

I will not have to pack three outfits, plan on having two available car seats, two blankies, and a vomit bag ready for the inevitable sick belly that will occur on the way to the hospital.

I will not be an expert speed changer-ready to pull over at a moments notice, whip Ava out of the car so she doesn't choke, change her clothes, put all soiled materials in a plastic bag that I have handy, and switch her to the new car seat all in less than the five minutes I have scheduled into our trip just for this purpose so we will not be late for her doctor's appt.

I will not be able to recite off the top of my head the phone numbers to three different hospitals, extentions to departments, pager numbers, and email addresses of multiple doctors.

I will not have to prepare a baggie of meds to administer while we are out.

I will not stay up all night stressing over what Ava's weight will be tomorrow, poring over my SGA/RSS manual getting a list of questions ready for Ava's doctors, and readying myself for the nutritionist and behavioralist to confuse the heck out of me by making suggestions that clearly will not work for my daughter but that I will try for a time anyways because I will try anything if it will help her grow.

To all those who indulge me in this moment of self pity-thank you.....to those who go through the same thing and understand....perhaps our somedays will come xoxo.